He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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