U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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