Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
