So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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