Everything about him screamed your future.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
