I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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