i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
