Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
