There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
