Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
