yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
