So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
