I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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