i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
