I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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