I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
