Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
