Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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