before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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