Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
