Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
