I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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