Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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