he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You made out with two different species that night
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
