I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
