Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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