My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
