I could have mohawked her pubes.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
