dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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