He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
