were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
