Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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