If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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