Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
