I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize