i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
PANTIES FOUND
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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