I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
