The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think your dad took our porno
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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