He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
