A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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