She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
