A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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