No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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