He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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