Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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