farters have to be the big spoon...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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