Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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