I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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