i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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