Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
