Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
