It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
