Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
