Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
