what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
