Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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