Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
