I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
