There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
