I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
