They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he shaved USA in his pubs
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
