The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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