i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
