Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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