Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
