I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
